Dear Eric: My adult nephew and his girlfriend recently had a child. They are both in their mid-30s and neither has gainful employment. My nephew has also struggled with mental health issues. His mother passed away several years ago, so his remaining family system consists of grandparents, aunts and uncles.
I am trying to reconcile my feelings of not “punishing” the baby while not “encouraging” the parents’ current pattern of behavior. To this end, I established a 529 college account and will be happy to pay for supplemental experiences for the child, such as camp, classes.
One part of the family says we need to help the baby now, not years from now. How do I get over my anger and frustration at the new parents not demonstrating either basic parenting skills or basic adult behavior?